Tanning alone is love (:


Remember about the mistake i've done?
The one i mention no one knows, no one would ever acknowledge?
Well, its all over FOR GOOD!
Im really not a player, i dont wish to be one at all! I can never handle.
Sorry for leaving you in silence once again.
My mistake for allowing history to repeat.
PLEASE DONT FORGIVE ME. sob*


Why genuine and pure friendship not happening between man and women?
Why must i always face this kind of problem?
This shouldn't be a problem at all at the first place!
GUYS!! is being friend with me that difficult?

What a disappointment.
I've missed the adidas sundown marathon.
Wonder when's the next upcoming marathon?
People. if anyone happen to come across this post and u've any idea or info regarding.
Dont mind gmail me the details.
Most appreciated. (:

Yoga lin you jia's album is out in Singapore!
WOOHOO!


Im now in a situation wrby no one wud ever acknowledge.
Of course no one knows. Except for *thia (:
However the truth will eventually surface. Its just a matter of time.
Im waiting for the right time. I needed more time. Time shall give me a clearer answer.
Sorry to say hurting you guys are unavoidable.


Lance O Lance~
You Jerk~` zzz
Anyhow tat odd timing call was from me.

Have been away from my blog for some time. Many times i wish i could just pen down my emotions my thoughts my misses, the real me up here. However the consequences is going to be too hard for me to face. So i rather not. After all such intention , such feelings will soon fade away. Come to think of it its never a must to pen everything down at that very moment. Its never worth the risk.

Anyhow, here i am finally coming back here to write something.
Not for anyone im sure. Purely here to kill some boredom.

3 weeks back i meet with a RTA. It was midnight, after one of our majour fight.
We both were injured of course, nothing to the extreme. We're really lucky.
Leaving behind some cuts, and really huge abrasions = more scars! Darn!
Anyhow, we're cool. Not blaming anyone wadsoever. Life indeed is damn fucking fragile. Making me wonder if thats the case all along. Why ain't i living my life happy?
NO why i guess. I simply CANT..

So, i've been a homely girl lately. No more clubbing no more frenz meeting. ZERO. Basically just having DVD's marathon straight after i knock off from work, even during off days. I'll be just stuck to my TV set till bf book out from camp.
We'll than cook and have dinner together, shower, sleep.

Sad to say bf still prefer being down graded. Trying all ways and now he's mr storeman. No more mr commando bf. CAnt believe that's what he really wanted all along. What a waste. Training so hard, getting sliver wing airborne and stuff. Now giving everything up for storeman? Man! i can never understand.
Well at least now he's able to book out.

American's Next Top Model is back and "The Contender" its awesome!
A must watch!


This days. To be exact, all along my misses for SW is still there. A on off thingy. This very moment i just wanna be honest with myself.

I really do misses him alot alot. Many time i would imagine if we're still tgt, we'll definately make a loving and happy couple. We would even make a really wonderful husband and wife. He's so like the guy for me. He loves me unconditionally, he knows how to cook, tidy the house, treating me nice, well making me feel like a princess. This apply to B as well. Afterall, they are both who once love me so truly, so dearly, so obviously. Yet, i choose to walk away. Initially hurting them. But the actual fact is, the pain the hurt were even more intense in me.
Many times i ask myself why i still misses them? why i still feel the soreness deep down my soul? Even when i've my bf here with me. This should not be happening at all. BUt my mind just went blank.
I cant seems to find the right answer to fit into such a question.
Cant believe this is happening to me after so long. It felt like some kind of soul consuming spell. It hurts and it keeps forcing me to picture how much happier i would be if im with SW.
And at times it will force me back to the happy moments i have with B. It brought me back to the wonderful, happy memories during at work in the kitchen station.
Those were the days i would labeled as HAPPY.

Then i would ask myself.
You mean your not happy now?
You have a bf always with you.
Yes. I've not been extremely happy till date.
How pathetic. YES I AM.

With bf we're like old old couples. like as though we're married for many years. Very routine at times veri domestic conversation. I dont share with him my problems at work. The problem in me , hiding inside me all along. I dont speak to them regarding that. I just cant. He's not the man who can help who knows how to console who knows how to make me feel better. He simple cant. So i cant share either. How sad. IM SAD!

Maybe the culprit is MONEY. Maybe because we're always so worried about money. Maybe because im supporting him for now. MAybe money hurts feelings.
WIth him i worried about how money is spent, if money is enough for the both of us, worried about transportation fees, meals, domestic goods. (if you remember im currently living all by myself, bf sleeping over, mom went back to Indo)
Everything X2, if you could picture a NSF pay all drawn to clear debts. Nothing left for me. For us!

I've NO PRESENTS,
NO SURPRISES,
NO ORGANIZED OUTING/ACTIVITIES,
NO DINING,
NO CELEBRATION for a loooong looonnng time!

Most importantly,
I DONT FEEL LIKE A PRINCESS ANYMORE.

Is he the one??

Oh, and to add on my failure record.
Not too long ago, i signed a verbal and written warning document back at work.
People cut telling me i perform well, im efficient, im good. When on the other hand you fucking dont sympathies to what i've mention ,m goin through during that very short period. Anyhow, Im cool with that as well.
Just gonna take its as this is not the right place for me.

Fucking gonna get my ass off the company once i get hold of that card.

HUMANS ARE THE MOST AMAZING CREATION ON EARTH.

Its makes me feel disturb !

And please! Why are ppl keep asking me to join airline. What the point keep saying i hould be there, its should be my calling. I can make it there. Even going to the extreme by saying you will help me get in no matter what. Ah, piss off!

Goodness me. Im so sick of hearing such.
How can they make it sound so easy, so simple?
Are they brainless, nutz or something?
I know how many pound i weigh, I've heard of the criteria
Yes! its always my wish to be in the airline.
BUT I JUST DONT FIT IN.

Same thing over over again makes me feel so lousy!


*pardon for the errors. im too lazy to amend.

Radiohead- CREEP


When you were here before, couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel, your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
And I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I 'm a creep, I 'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts, I want to have control
I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

She's running out again
She's running out ....

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special...
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here.

wadthefk.. im feeling so fking lethargy right now. all of a sudden there's this hatred boiling in me. its feeding on my flesh, its drilling holes into my organs . fking hate the feeling of being helpless, weak and useless. FKING SHIT. GAWD


money matters
looks matters
figure matters
education matters
health matters
career matters



SUPERFICIAL. oh gawd





if you always do what
you've always done, you'll always
get what you always got



happy moving on
BOY STINKS. FKING SHIT.

I almost die on a particular day last week. The headache just struck, nausea, muscle ache, body cramps, joint pain. Its like wadafuk name it all! It was goddamn torturing. Totally screwed up my entire day. I was fuking cranky the whole day. Simple little things like mom asking me if she shud prepare my share for dinner can actually pissed mi off big time. The sunlight shining into my room, the wind from the fan, can actually agitate me to the core. Nausea all the way like godknowswhy.

Anyhow i slept throughout.

He did came along trying to make me feel alittle better. Like godknows if he really did try his best?! So as usual i'll find excuse for him; yes, he did tried his best maybe he's not the kind who knows how to care for others; goodness im his gf he doest know HOW? Fine, i'll go on telling myself tat maybe he's not mature enough sensible enough to respond appropriately. Ok fine, afterall he did came over and tried his very best?! Ya! YA! YA! So, i forgive him.

Still it makes me wonder why on earth am i stuck wif someone like him who doesnt know how to make me feel better when im sick. Yet i still haf to pardon him.

Ya, Im a stupid lady!

As usual things just doesnt seems to work well between us. However, somehow i just dont seems to know how to put the word LET GO into action?!!
He make me cry like SHIT, he make me say out all the nasty crude words, my blood boil a million time, BP shoot up, HR shoot up, the atmosphere turn fuking shitty. Yet i can just forgive him all over again. Again and again. Wadafuk man!! Goddamn bloodsucker!!

Ok, stupid lady!

Thank god, his court fine are almost coming to an end. Hopefully he will be able to clear all external debt as well and be debt-free so i can have mine back asap. Its like donno how many donkey mths i last went for my braces appointment. I really need the cash man. He fuking dont see the point. argh. Im fuking gonna get it frm the doc. Fuking SHIT!

And my dearest Mommy just dont understand my situation. She's so unwilling to compromise. Im like in such shitty state she still demand me to give her money every mth without fail. Why cant she sympathize? faint~

Although things dont seems to go my way, life still bitter as ever. Im glad i've ppl out there trying to make its a little sweeter n happy for me.

Lets not talk abt my birthday, bcuz everything was screwed up. Fuking useless him fuking meaningless day.

Counting from my birthday onwards i took a total of 8 days AL. On leave and still get paid = partial happiness. (: Really thx for the ppl who make my leave a happy and enjoyable one.
Get to know a number of new frenz. Of course im not happy bcuz i know new ppl, its actually the fun and excitement tat make my day, i've learn to belive tat new frenz are kinda like a one nite stand thingy. Bcuz such frenz definately belongs to the hi-bye category so why bother investing all ur love emotins into such so call frenship? Anyhow such hi-bye frenz do make a difference. Thx for the fun! (:

However there's something tat make my leave much more worthwhile, its definately the catching up wif old frenz. Its the best! Having meals, cycling, movies, shopping, partying with old frenz are most precious and genuine!! (:
Im extremely glad and contented to still have you ppl around to brighten up my life.((:



Its 3.50 am now. I still cant sleep. I know my dark rings are sure to get more and more serious, no one is gonna love a panda evonne. But this apologetic feeling is keeping me up till now. So. i've decided to let you know tat im really sorry for not showing up on tat day. Im extremely sad bcuz i din get the chance to taste the spag you make for me, pls its not as thou im greedy or wad. It's bcuz ur intention of cooking for mi actually moved me. Its not like im being moved so easily. Its just tat somehow or rather i could sense the love n concern frm ur intention. I wish i cud taste your spag; your love. However, if we cud turn back time i wud have made the same decision once again. Bcuz i do not want any mistakes to take place between us. I still believe not showing up at ur place is the rite thing. Sorry Lance! (:

Say today is my lucky day. I saw the girl after me. Evonne you totally overrated her. C'mon von go on and give a pat on your shoulder. Your a wonderful girl. Have faith girl. (:

So, its the same old breakup lines. Pathetic bullshitter.
RONALD LESMANA your a nah bei motherfuking CHEATER!! I totally cant believe someone like you studying in NUS is still licking his mother's pussy and watching his dad doing the scrotum dance. Fuking get a life you fucked up bustard. Your definately old enough to rule your own life and make wise decision. MOMMA'S BOY.
Fuking piece of SHIT.